Disappointed, but Hopeful

I was hoping to post some good news, but it looks like that might have to wait a few more weeks. I failed my N test. It still makes me cringe to think of that. It makes my head hurt and my mind start punching itself. It makes me want to hide in a room and ignore everyone. For anyone that knows me, they will understand how much it means when I say that I cried.

I don't fail. Not with important stuff. That's not to say that I'm an over achiever. I'm one of those lucky people that can kind of coast by with minimal practice or studying. I do fairly well with school and work. When it comes to crunch time, I will hate myself, but I can normally keep calm enough to get through everything.

I stalled my car before I even got out of the parking lot. I forgot to take the emergency brake off. Luckily, my tester seemed pretty easy going. If I had not made one major mistake, I would have passed, despite occasionally forgetting my signal, or to shoulder check. The really embarrassing part, is that this is the exact same mistake my sister made.

I was near the end, driving through back streets. These back streets are weird. It'll be a complete through road, until one intersection, where there will be a stop sign. This wasn't the problem. I knew there was a stop sign there, so I stopped. I looked left, right, left again. I didn't easy forward though, and there were trees blocking part of my view to my right. So I went.

And this is where that easy luck failed me. Normally luck corrects my mistakes, but I think by this point I had used it all up. Well, most of it. I didn't get hit, I didn't even scratch my car, or any car! However, there was a car on the through road that put me into a dangerous situation. Had it been going faster, I would have been hit.

At the end of the test, the tester told me that he was impressed with my gear shifting, which was probably the most surprising to me. I made sure that I never shifted gears in an intersection or while turning. The car sounded horrible. But I guess he's probably heard and seen worse.

What I am most proud of is my backing in. From my previous posts, everyone should know that this is what I was most worried about. When we got back to the parking lot, there were very few spots available. I picked one right next to a large van, because the only other ones were either too close to the entrance, or they were in the corner, where I couldn't get into. Even worse, the owners of the truck were sitting inside it, watching as I was backing up right next to them. I actually managed to pull in, with minimal correcting, and with no contact with other cars (or people). It was straight, if a little tight. I blame that on the fact that I was parking right next to a massive truck though, which was really close to the line. I really with I had thought to take a picture, to prove that I did it.

So after my hour or so of self loathing and wallowing in my pit of pity, I think I can finally come to terms with this. Driving is not my strong suit. I don't like driving. It's not something I can be proud of. I know a lot of people believed that I could do it, but I learned years ago to never trust people in this way. The nature of friends is to comfort and support. Even if they had an inkling of doubt, they would never say it. And I'm okay with this. I don't feel like I let anyone down except myself. And I know that my friends will still continue to comfort and support me.

Next time guys! I swear. I can only get better from here.

Being an Adult is Hard

I'm so sick of having to be responsible. I guess I should have know this when I agreed to become assistant manager at work, but I'm just so sick of it now. People are complaining because my manager is grumpy and mean, but I would like to see them work forty hours a week and deal with everything she deals with. It's hard to stay chipper.

Today, at 5:30 pm, I was informed that my coworker could not work her shift tomorrow, and I was only being informed then. I guess she was relying on my manager to change it, but my manager doesn't like that my coworker got a second job and had to change her schedule at Starbucks. So I stayed another half hour trying to work it out. I figured out a perfect plan, but the one last person I need to accept a shift will not answer her phone or her text messages. This leaves us kind of dangling and unable to officially change the schedule until the very last minute. It worse comes to worse, I will take the shift and just work six days in a row.

And now, to top it all off, there is something wrong with me. For three weeks now, I've been feeling sick. It's better some days, worse others. Today is one of those worse days. Normally it's just a small stomach ache, and no apatite, but today my period decided to start. Two weeks early. Needless to say, I was kind of grumpy at work this morning. Not to mention I went swimming in a river yesterday, and I'm feeling every single bump and bruise today (mostly on my feet). I also seem to have pulled a muscle in my shoulder while trying to fix a clogged Pumpkin Spice pump yesterday.

So let's total this up. My feet, back of arms and the front of my right shoulder are all sore. My stomach is aching and I still don't really have an apatite. My time of the month came twice this month, not to mention all my energy seems to be seeping away with every movement I make. I might be facing a six day work week, which all but one of those days I will be working at least six hours.

The really odd thing is? After a while at work, I wasn't grumpy. Time flew, and suddenly I was off. Even now, I'm stressed but not really grumpy. I'm going to say this is because I had an amazing date yesterday.


I'll just leave you with that little tidbit of information.