Not Good Enough

Not too long ago, I briefly mentioned that the short story I had previously believed was going to be published, with only up for consideration. This morning I received word that it wasn't picked for the final publication. What makes it worse is that the grandma I wrote it about isn't doing so well, and it looks like she won't last much longer. Not to mention without that publication, I find it hard to believe that I will get into the program at the university I want, or even into the university in general.

I think I knew that something like this would happen. When I got the e-mail earlier this year, I was overjoyed, and terrified that something would go wrong. It has always been my luck that as soon as something as good as this happens, something comes along to ruin it. Now I'm just thinking that if I cannot get published in the anthology of a common college, how the hell will I get anything published in the real world?

I wish people would tell me the truth. I know my friends and family will never tell me their true opinion on my writing, and that is as hurtful as being told by a stranger that I suck. Ever since grade six, I have wanted to become a writing. I've worked towards it, never looking elsewhere for a different career or something that may suit me better. I've always known that I would need a second job to support myself, of course. Very few new writers can come up with something brilliant enough to support themselves without a separate source of income.

I don't know what to say. I've lost all words, and I just want to give up. I was stupid to think that my passion could be my job.