The Perfect Pet

Ugh, my cold is coming back, and because of this, I'm not in the mood to write. So here is a fun poem I wrote a few years ago:

Would you like to make a bet?

That I can find the perfect pet?

It cannot shed

Or steal the bed.

Digging is unacceptable,

As is begging under the table.

A dog won’t due,

Whether it’s old or new.

A cat, perhaps,

Until it snaps.

Besides, they’re cranky when they’re old,

And far too bold.

A bird is tame,

But kind of lame.

A ferret is crazy,

A fish is lazy.

The dinosaurs are all dead,

Unicorns are fake, or so it’s said.

Hippos are fat

Beavers are better as a hat

Monkeys want hugs, and maybe more,

Snowballs leave wet spots on the floor.

Tigers would be cool to own

But you cannot leave them home alone.

Platypuses, or Platypi,

Are too expensive to buy.

Dust bunnies have their adorees,

Unfortunately, they cause allergies.

Pandas eat bamboo,

But rarely know kung fu.

Fish are tiny,

Humans are whiny.

Anteaters have a strange diet,

Frogs are never quiet.

Bugs are disgusting,

Raccoons are far from trusting.

Porcupines are prickly,

Squirrels are finicky.

Chickens taste delicious,

Snakes look suspicious.

Llamas like to spit,

And boy, I don’t want to be hit.

Horses are hard to ride,

The last time I tried, I nearly died.

Hermit crabs are a bunch of loners,

And all of them are cranky home owners.

Zebras can’t decide if they’re black or white,

But at least they rarely fight.

Kangaroos you must worry about,

For their kicks always land, without a doubt.

Worms make great bait,

But oh, what a horrible fate.

Giraffes have necks to break through the roof,

The hole in mine is certainly proof.

Elephants are too big for the house,

Maybe you should just stick with a mouse.

Ostriches are too fast to catch

And take way too long to hatch.

Moles are vicious when I try to pet them,

Maybe it’s because they have only have a brain stem.

A group of crows is called a murder.

I don’t want to be called the ‘bird herder’

So after searching far and wide,

I found a pet that is known worldwide.

It comes in colours red, green and blue,

Though can never be found confined in a zoo.

This pet needs little attention

And is great at burglar prevention.

All it needs for a bed is a sock,

And yes, I am talking about a rock.