University 101

I just finished my first day of university. I've been at college for the last few years, but it's not as impressive. So here, are a few tips on how to survive your first day.

1) Always arrive early. Like, over an hour. It'll give you time to explore, get lost, get unlost and find all the vending machines, bathrooms, water fountains, benches, staircases and other important things.

2) Start looking for class ten minutes before it starts. It'll give you just enough time to get there when they take attendance, so you can walk in just as your name is being called. Wait outside for a few seconds for the perfect effect.

3) If you ignored the previous tip and arrive to class twenty minutes early, stand outside awkwardly as you try to decide if the people currently in the room or from your class or the class before. It's okay, other people will assume that you're waiting and will wait with you, therefore making it even more awkward when you all realize you could have been in the class ten minutes ago.

4) Make sure you get a snack during your break. Of course, the best place to go is that super popular coffee place all across campus that has a permanent line. It must be good if the wait is fifteen minutes.

5) If the only two vending machines either don't accept bills or are full of diet pop, find a different vending machine. Coke Zero is nasty.

6) Don't say anything on your first day in class. Get a feel for how the professor is first, then decide what type of participation mark they give. No participation needed? Perfect, you can act like you don't care.

7) If you're in an English or Creative Writing class, bring a smart looking book to 'read'. Don't worry, you can actually play on your phone. Just having the book on your desk will impress people and make them think that you actually read things like that.

8) Make sure all your electronics are charged. And on silent, of course. But most importantly charged.

9) Feel confident in your bussing skills. Nothing says loser like someone asking for directions. Get on the first bus that arrives and see where it takes you. It'll be like an adventure.

10) When someone asks you how your first day when, smile, nod and say you can't wait for more. Don't worry, they don't actually care.


((Note: Please know this is a joke and not to be taken seriously.))