Delve Into the Mind

It's quarter past eleven here, and I've had too much sugar today. I have a stomach ache and I'm probably dehydrated, but I'm in the mood to ramble. So I introduce a few things that goes on in my mind.

The thoughts that pop up the most often are about the future and my choices for it. Although I say my biggest fear is deep water (you never know what's down there...) it's actually about my career choice. I think most people have these thoughts, whether they're heading for something as unstable as a writer or musician, or as solid as, well, pretty much anything other career. And I know I haven't gotten very far in the eight or so years since making this choice. By the winter, I will have two short stories published in my college's anthology, but that gets me bragging rights only, and it's money that'll keep me alive. Of course, you read any blog or comment by a published writer, and they'll tell you that the worrying and second guessing is as much a part of the job as math is to an accountant. I guess it keeps us on our toes. The moment you slack off and stop worrying is the moment that you have something to worry about. Sounds like a great life, right?

Well, at least I've had training as a barista, so if all else fails, I'll open up a coffee shop combined with a book store.

But apart from the constant worrying and self loathing for my procrastination, I'm honestly a happy person. That is if you love making your characters suffer by ripping our their heart. No matter how terrible that sounds, every book worm loves it. What is a book without drama, and what is a writer who cannot create this drama? Now I'm far from the person to create this drama in real life. Oh no, I hate teen fiction novels for this very reason. If I ever wanted to live the drama of a book or character, I would pick something far more exciting. Then again, pretty much anything would be more exciting than my current average life. I'm still amazed I did so well in my Personal Narrative class when half my stories featured other people.

Which brings up my thoughts on my current life. Of course I wish it was more exciting, and I'm constantly coming up with situations in which something could make it more exciting. I might see some guy, envision him asking me out. But I would have no idea what to do or say, so would probably end up blabbering some excuse for why I can't go out, then look down, wishing that my hair was long enough to cover my increasingly reddening face. It's rather pathetic when my imaginary self cannot even handle a situation like that. I think it's best if  just remain on the computer the rest of my life.

I guess I did pick a fitting job after all.